Two boys, one graduating from high school and living 8 hours away....all the things that should be exciting for his senior year... I am missing being a part of. Oh, I'm plugged in to all the things happening through the school...like the fact that he won "Life of the Party" for the Senior Class of 2012. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself, but in a way, I am feeling sorry for myself. I missed my oldest son's graduation year as well...because I live so far away. I know that they are both in God's hands and that He is watching over them.... I know too that God is watching over me as well. My heart is breaking this year. More so than ever before.... I've lived in a different city from both my boys for over 5 years, over 9 for one of those two boys. God only gives us as much as we can handle....I am still relying on HIM...doesn't make it any easier.
My graduate has a girlfriend...she is a senior at a different high school. He has gotten extremely close to her and her family. I truly believe that they are not suppose to be together as a couple because of several factors. However, I am praying, with several other prayer warriors that the situation will go in the correct direction and that God will be the center of no matter what direction that relationship holds. She is a wonderful athlete, extremely smart and lovely young lady. There are immaturity issues that worry me.... The maturity will come with time. My youngest tends to have a soft heart, and wants to please her with helping her out. They volunteer at a downtown church in the city where they live and help feed the homeless. My prayer also is for their hearts to seek God first not each other first. God first.
My oldest is getting married later this year. Again, I am not there to assist with anything in that area. Long distance assistance can be done, but it is really driving me crazy. His fiance, is an amazing young lady. They are continuing to seek God's will in all of their decisions.
My oldest has taken on the responsibility of having the youngest live with him until graduation. Their father has moved to another state due to a job opportunity....which leaves the younger one without full time parents there in the same city. These are my thoughts and prayers....
My spouse, does not seem to understand why I am worried or concerned. The comments are that I should let the EX handle the $$ situation, I cannot do that. The EX is not reliable in assisting with funds for the boys.... Yes, he (the EX) had them living with him for several years and took good care of them, but now that he has lost almost everything, he does not have the funds to assist.
Years ago, I got myself into some financial boo-boo by going back to school. I am still paying off things. When I think I'm paying things down, something else comes up where I have to pay for repairs to my sons truck, or senior year stuff, etc.
Right now, I am just very discouraged in the situation I am in, the location I am in, and everything seems to be piling on....continually.
I was informed by my sister that my mom is having mini strokes. She is continually drained of energy and is going down fast. Mom is very much a fighter and such a wonderful lady. The time she has spent living with my older sister is good. The strain on my oldest sister has been and is still so overwhelming for her and her husband. Mom does not want to live any where else. Since Mom can still do alot of things by herself, we do not want to move her to a facility. She would not do well in a facility at all.
I feel (my emotions again) that I should be there to help family.... yes I have family here, my husband and my stepson, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law....but I feel that my sons and my mother and sister need me more right now and can't seem to change the situation. I have prayed that God will guide our direction on my husband's job - possible being transferred closer to my family or that God will heal my heart on the desire to move.... Some days it is extremely overwhelming for me. It is hard for me to get up and go to work or do anything. I enjoy blogging because, I know that I am writing my concerns to God and to close friends. I also realize that anyone can probably find my blog, but since it hasn't been read since 2008, I'm pretty sure, it is kinda safe to write.
Those friends that are reading this blog, know that I am praying for you and your concerns as well. Thank you for praying for answers for me.... In the bible study that I am taking, the words were "PRESS in to God/God's Word"....and you will know HIM and His will.
Thanks for reading the rambling of an emotional mom/sister/daughter.......
